I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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