Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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