watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
