Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
