Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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