"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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