He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
