Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
