I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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