do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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