im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
