my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
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