Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
