You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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