I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
