Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Less talking, more tequila
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
