I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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