i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
