are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
