i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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