I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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