You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
