Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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