I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
