so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
