Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
