Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
