I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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