Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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