You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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