wrigley field is MILF paradise
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
