I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
