oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
