I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She even gives head with a lisp.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
