so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
