ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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