she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
