I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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