it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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