just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
