I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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