69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
