I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
