please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
