Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Randomize
