Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
