you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
