I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
