this beer tastes like vomit already
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
