Kareoke will never be a sober sport
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
