My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
